Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
