I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
