I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
