Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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