I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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