how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
