That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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