found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
