Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
