Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm too high and old for this...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
