i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
