Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
