Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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