dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
