I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
