We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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