I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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