at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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