I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
