Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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