omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
