Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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