Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
