how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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