You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
