I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
