why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
