i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
now i know why i became what i already was.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
