:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
