You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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