are you still at the devil's house?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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