I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
