my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
