he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
