i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
