Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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