hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
