Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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