just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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