I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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