you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
