i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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