I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
