for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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