Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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