well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
