I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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