it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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