i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize