I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
