I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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