And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
