Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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