call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
